Healing after a loss

Grief is a normal reaction to loss. It could be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a pet, a job, or a way of life. Other types of loss may include children leaving home, infertility, and separation from friends and family. The greater the significance of the loss, the more intense the grief. Grief is one of the most challenging emotions to overcome, and it can feel like we've been thrown into an emotional storm.

Symptoms

At its core, grief is an overwhelming sadness caused by losing someone or something we care about. Grief can cause us to feel sad, angry, anxious, shocked, regretful, relieved, overwhelmed, isolated, irritable, or numb. Grief has no predictable pattern. Everyone grieves in their own unique way. Some people may be in mourning for weeks or months, while others may be in mourning for years.

Being out of sync is a normal reaction to grief. Grief, unlike depression, is triggered by a loss. It is a necessary part of our evolution and resilience-building. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist, describes the five stages of grief as follows:

• Denial

• Anger

• Bargaining

• Depression

• Acceptance

This framework explains the emotional experiences by leading us to accept that grief follows a timeline and path. Grief isn’t a linear process . It is possible to experience anger first and then shock or both simultaneously. Alternatively, neither.

Approaches to Resolving Grief

I have discovered that while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are some resources that can assist us in our healing.

We are biologically programmed to avoid emotional distress. This enables us to overcome adversity. Thus, inviting painful emotions may appear counterintuitive. Nonetheless, when we avoid grief, it seems to linger longer. Occasionally, we find ourselves reaching for something numbing—comfort food, online shopping, or a few glasses of wine. For a brief period, we may also notice that overworking and changing the subject helps. These may temporarily alleviate our discomfort, but they merely mask the pain.

Rather than ignoring the discomfort, we should attempt to bring awareness to it and see if we can remain present with whatever we notice. The first step is to accept the uncertainty, develop the ability to relax amid chaos, and learn to avoid panic. When we begin to tap into our inner wisdom, we allow our mind-body-soul to reveal the best course of action. So that we can reclaim our resilience. By reconnecting with ourselves, we empower ourselves with a new perspective and recall a resilient part of ourselves. We reconnect with something deep within that enables us to adapt, bounce back, and restart.

Rituals are a powerful tool when it comes to resolving our saddest emotions. Rituals can help us to find meaning in the darkness. Creating our own personal rituals to remember our loved ones allows us to safely and constructively access and work through your grief. Rituals offer us a sense of comfort and normalcy in a world that can feel upside down. This especially happens when we are grieving over the loss of someone important in our life. Rituals can give us a sense of feeling like things that still matter and things that we have some control over. Plus, they can help us to reconnect to the memory of the one we have lost. It gives us a particular time to remember the good times and help us get through the difficult period.

References

Grief and loss - Beyond Blue

Dealing with grief and loss - Better Health Channel